Pooping

My Mormon cousin Jill is now selling colon cleanses and wanted me to try one. Jill has 5 kids and is totally sexy so my curiosity peaked. I asked her if it would turn me Mormon. She said no and because my week was already shit, I decided to go ahead and do it. Conveniently, my friend Jen and I had just decided that we were going to venture onto a path of optimum wellness by fulfilling the physical, emotional and spiritual needs that our children had robbed us of. ... Continue reading »

This morning my sister called me while I was in the bathtub….

Erika: I feel like I am pregnant but I know that is not possible.

Me: What makes you feel that way?

Erika: I am bloated, my boobs hurt and I am peeing when I laugh.

Me: Oh My God. You are totally going to take a poop and a baby is going to plop out in the toilet like on that show “I Did Not Know I Was Pregnant.” HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This story was simply too amusing not to share. Last weekend, I was in line at PetSmart buying lizard paraphernalia for our newest family member Vinnie, the gecko. The guy in front of me had one of those contraptions to clean up dog crap resting on the counter. Like every thirty-two year old woman, I started laughing because it was something pertaining to poo. The man informed me that he was exchanging it because it “worked like shit” which made me laugh even harder. ... Continue reading »