Don't Call Me Edward

Earlier today I was at the zoo with my daughter when I received a phone call from my friend Vanessa:

Vanessa:  Hi Erin!  Jeff and I are going to go see the new Twilight movie tonight and we wanted to see if you and Mike wanted to go with us!

Me:  What?  Jeff is going with you to a Twilight movie?  Did he turn gay and you guys decided just to stay together for the kids?

Vanessa:  Oh, we have seen them all together!!!!  He loves them! 

Me Puzzled:  Hold on a sec let me call Mike.

Me Calling Mike:  Do you want to go see the new Twilight movie tonight with Vanessa and Jeff?  Those movies make me feel like having sex with you for some reason.  I think it is because we get to spend quality time together without the kids.  (Or maybe it is the lust filled scenes with those strapping, take charge, confident, rich vampires and the rugged, tan werewolves with perfectly sculpted abs that can tear off their clothes in fits of passionate rage). 

Mike:  I would rather stick a fire poker in my eye then sit through that shit.  BTW, if you call me Edward in bed I am going to be pissed.

Me:  I have no idea what you are talking about.  So is that a no?

Mike:  Can I go back to work now?

Me:  Ok, bye.

Me Clicking Back to Vanessa:  Mike said he has indigestion, but I will babysit for you.

Vanessa:  OMG!  I will totally take you up on that!  Say 6:30?

Me:  Okay.

Yes.  This happened.  XO