Because I Said So

About a week ago my six year old informed me that I “RUINED HER LIFE” and slammed her door because I told her she could not go out and ride her bike since her room was a mess.  Now, most of you would be dismayed at this type of unruly, disrespectful behavior from a small child.  I was secretly thrilled.  

The reason:  Ever since I had children, I am late for EVERYTHING.  Someone can’t find their shoe, someone has to take a dump, the dog is missing, UPS is at the door and needs me to sign for my infomercial wrinkle cream, someone lost their library book, I forgot that is it my day to bring snack for thirty kids, someone needs their ass wiped, I forgot to put underwear on one of them and she is wearing a tutu, the other one says her hair looks stupid the way I fixed it, and on, and on, and on….....  So on the rare occasions that I am actually on time or even more extraordinary, early for something, I am positively euphoric!

I was not planning on ruining my daughters’ lives until they were at least thirteen, so you can only imagine my elation when I accomplished this daunting task 7 YEARS EARLY!  It felt so amazing, that I am now encouraging each and every one of you with young children, to stop procrastinating and start ruining.  Now, if you will please excuse me, I have more torture to inflict.  “GIIIIRRRRLLLLSS- TIME TO TAKE A BATH, AND I MEAN NOW!!!!!”  XO