I Love Old People

This past weekend, my sister, stepmother and I threw a surprise 60th birthday party for my dad.  As it turns out, my stepmother is not nearly as skilled at lying as I am so he totally figured it out.  Whatever.  I just love old people and it was fun to watch my dad feign shock at the number of people who came to celebrate his birth and make flaccid penis jokes at his expense.  My sister and I even paid some of our young friends to come in case we got tired of talking about the Civil War and my father’s upcoming hip replacement surgery.  IT.WAS.FUN.

We all chuckled as my dad opened a plethora of gag gifts and read each and every single card out loud (senior citizens love doing this for some reason).  One lady even gave him magnetic balls and then proceeded to tell me with a straight face that “I thought your dad could lie in bed and play with his balls when he has his hip surgery, they really do stretch.”  Um, sick.  Anyway, as you will see from the pictures below, our famed photographer, Mike, did a magnificent job capturing the untamed, feral spirits of old people convening in a rented community room on a Saturday night with free wine.  *Please note all pictures of Ethel giving my father a lap dance were deleted after I learned her dementia medication counteracts with alcohol consumption. 

I implore each of you to stop being so self-centered, go find old person and have a party for them before they die.  “But Erin,” you say, “What is the point, will they even remember it?”  Probably not, but I would positively love to see the pictures.   XO

Phew, good thing I decided to wear my argyle sweater just in case someone decided to throw a surprise party for me. I had no idea, really.

The old person smell isn't nearly as pungent under here.

A drunken brawl broke out between my dad and another old person. We let them shuffle around for a few minutes before we broke it up.

Young Aaron L., becomes increasingly depressed as he realizes his bleak future.

I am totally going to dye my pubes when they go grey. OMG, ME TOO!!!