From the category

Search Results - Tags

The Circle of Life

Me: I am going to find new homes for Vinnie and Pearl. I am the ONLY thirty-four year old woman I know that has pet lizards. The kids have NOTHING to do with them since their tails unexpectedly fell off while they were holding them. Thankyouverymuch for failing to inform us of this fun fact DICK who sold them to us. Anyway... Three Days Later: I had resolved to drop the lizards off at a fire station when God thwarted my plans. “MOOOOOOOOM- PEARL IS BLEEDING AND CRICKETS ARE EATING HER!!!” I ran upstairs, peered into the aquarium and swallowed my throw up. Omg, it was just like that disturbing news story from a year ago when those super high on bath salts naked homeless guys were discovered eating each other’s faces on an overpass in LA. Except in my case, the homeless guys were crickets and they were probably not on drugs which makes it even more fucked up. ... Read more

Recent Blog Posts

June 04, 2016
Where the Dead Fern Grows
April 30, 2016
Happy Graduation
April 23, 2016
Girl You Be Trippin
April 19, 2016
Bye Felicia
April 11, 2016
Hi, You've Reached Erin & Lisa
April 11, 2016
To Our Illiterate Friends
March 01, 2016
Deer Antlers and Tonsils
February 01, 2016
A Hairy Situation
January 09, 2016
Icebergs and Negotiations
October 18, 2015
Liquor Stores and Magic Crystals
October 08, 2015
You Can Bank On It
September 28, 2015
Supplemental Income
August 21, 2015
Good News Comes In Pairs
August 03, 2015
Take Your Lumps
July 17, 2015
I Love New Yorkers
June 15, 2015
Broccoli is Gross
May 15, 2015
Disco Party
April 28, 2015
Listen to My Intuition
March 10, 2015
Strapping On Hiking Shoes
January 05, 2015
Cat Tales
November 11, 2014
Life Lessons
October 21, 2014
Hi My Name is Erin and I Have a Problem
September 16, 2014
Leave Me Alone
August 22, 2014
Psychic Encounters
August 19, 2014
Extra Crazy Cat Lady
August 01, 2014
I Am a Dickhead
July 21, 2014
The Traveling Man
June 12, 2014
Mom of the Year Again
May 13, 2014
Happy Motha's Day
April 15, 2014
Breast Day Ever
April 08, 2014
Oops I Joined A Cult
April 01, 2014
I Can See Clearly Now
March 18, 2014
Rolling the Fat
March 10, 2014
Grow Some Balls
January 13, 2014
Miss My Sis
January 08, 2014
Mom on Fire
November 08, 2013
My Dog Has A Drinking Problem
October 07, 2013
The Circle of Life
September 12, 2013
Everyone Loves Me
July 25, 2013
Fairy Hell

Still not satisfied
All Blog posts

Hi there. I am so glad you stopped by! I started writing a couple years ago as a constructive way to channel my emotions at the prompting of my therapist. One of my assignments after being in therapy for a year was to write an autobiography detailing ... Continue »