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Strapping On Hiking Shoes

I always knew I would grow up to marry a doctor or an oil magnate. I just never imagined I would actually love him. Oddly enough however, I freaking L-O-V-E my husband. Like after thirteen years together, the sound of Mike’s chewing doesn’t always make me want to punch him in the throat and I have come to adore his unconventional and often disturbing grasp of the vernacular. ... Read more

Cat Tales

“I want to be just like my mom, except with fewer cats and figurines.” -Myself, 35 A few months ago, my mom purchased a pair of designer kittens. Even though I am really allergic to cats and the military previously inflicted torture upon detained terrorists by forcing them to drive with my mother (it has since been deemed inhumane by the current administration), I offered to take her to go get the little furballs. My mother amuses me and frankly, we had not spent much time together since I exited her womb and moved to a gated community. ... Read more

Extra Crazy Cat Lady

It has been two weeks since my mom’s cat, Mr. Whiskerpuss, passed away. My mom was utterly devastated, sooooo I took it upon myself to find her another obscenely expensive, purebred kitten to fill the void. Mike was adamant that I ask my stepfather, Bob, before I bought the cat even though Bob had already paid my dowry and arranged for Mike to marry me years ago. Ass kisser. As a matter of principle, I make a point to never seek permission from men for trivial matters such as purchasing pets however for the sake of compromise, I decided to be the bigger person. Surprisingly, Bob agreed to my plan so I didn’t even have to buy the thing, drop it off at their house while they were at work and never answer my phone again. Whatever. Glad he was on board. ... Read more

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Hi there. I am so glad you stopped by! I started writing a couple years ago as a constructive way to channel my emotions at the prompting of my therapist. One of my assignments after being in therapy for a year was to write an autobiography detailing ... Continue »