The Cougar

A few weeks ago we were having dinner when the neighbor kids from down the street rang the doorbell.  They asked if my daughters could spend the night in the trailer that their dad had parked on the driveway at their house.  Our gated community has swimming pools, parks and a lush golf course but my children were hyperventilating with excitement over a mobile home.  I asked the kids who was staying in there with them and was met with a chorus of, “No one!”  Hahahahahaha.  Right.  Mommy has an anxiety disorder remember?  

Annnnnd this is how I ended up “sleeping” in a trailer donned “The Cougar” with five kids.  Mike loaded up our car with sleeping bags and dropped me off at another dude’s house three doors down to spend the night.  Incidentally, my neighbor happens to be single.  I suspect this is the result for many couples who purchase trailers with the intention of experiencing amplified periods of family bonding.  On long stretches of desert highway.  With whiney children.  And no cell service.  Where you still have to cook and clean.  Shoot me.

Anyway, the kids fought until they fell asleep and then woke up at 6:30 am to fight some more.  I dragged my haggard body out of “mattress” and did the walk of shame back up to my house, waving to my neighbors along the way.  Yep, y’all caught me.  I TOTALLY want a boyfriend because I don’t have enough people to take care of and I really, really hate being alone.  Said no housewife ever.  Jesus.  Hi Readers- Meet my friend, Reality.

My six year old came bursting through the door a few minutes later and announced, “I am definitely going to college so one day I can live in one of those!”  Interestingly, this is the same child who accompanied me to the gynecologist for my annual and remarked, “I am going to college so I don’t have to look at vaginas all day like that guy.”  That guy being the physician who delivered her.  

I realize I might be putting the cart before the horse but I totally support of my daughter’s ambitious forethought. 1) She obviously intends on moving out at some point even if it is into a trailer park and; 2) She can declare herself a liberal arts major as a freshman rather than dabbling in more auspicious fields such as neuroscience or astrophysics.  She will graduate with honors and then return to a “school of healing arts” a couple years later to become a massage therapist.  Great.  Waaaay cheaper than med school.  Mom = Winning XO